I was hesitant to share my personal struggles leading up to and throughout my pregnancy, but it weighed on me that this site was not complete without it. It is not easy exposing oneself, but I believe that it is God's will to use my pregnancy and little Evies life and death to touch other people. If one person is led closer to God, then my pain and her life was not experienced in vain. She did not come and go without a purpose. She certainly had a purpose in my life...and one that extends far beyond me.

As some of you may know, I was engaged and 4 weeks away from marriage when we found out I was pregnant. Evelyn's father and I met eachother as two lost and broken people. We loved eachother the best we could at that time in our lives, but it was not enough to sustain our relationship. I formed a close bond with his daughters and loved them as my own. After we parted, I began my journey of pregnancy alone after moving out of our apartment and back to my parents house. He was led back to the mother of his two children, and they remarried when I was 2 months pregnant. The relationship between him and I throughout my pregnancy was nothing less than tumultuous. The direction he chose to move in left him unavailable and incapable of supporting me in any way. I was cut out of his daughters' lives, and as far as I know, they were not made aware of this sibling to be, and the last I saw them was the weekend before we split up. I was extremely hurt and confused. I spent most of my pregnancy worried about Evelyn's life, and her father's involvement with her.

I began attending 12Stone Church and devoted my life to working, praying, and preparing for Evie. I also joined a Single Mom's small group and developed some great frienships. I had been a spiritual person as long as I can remember. I was saved at 7 years old, led by my grandmother, Lillian Wyatt, who introduced a prayer to me to accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had conversations with God and felt the Holy Spirit frequently as a young child. I attended church with my parents throughout my childhood, but God was never a common topic in our home. I became involved in a pentacostal church in middle school with my friend Lauren, and was drawn closer to God then I had ever been. I was exposed to God-fearing people, experienced the Holy Spirit like never before, and in personal prayer, was given the gift of tongues. I was young and didn't share this with many people. In High School, I faultered many times. I would come back to God and recommit, but was not strong, and continued to make decisions that were harmful to me. In young adulthood, I was impatient, impulsive, and jumped from relationship to relationship and from job to job.

When I was 22, I experienced a life-altering period when my high school sweetheart was sentenced to 10 yrs in prison. Him and I had been in and out of eachothers lives since he was 15 and I was 17. Chase(we'll call him) was like my best friend and I had such a deep love for him. I stood by him the best that I could through the 3 1/2 years that he was in prison. I visited him 2hrs away a couple times a month, sent him money, talked to him on the phone, sent him books, magazines, etc., wrote letters, visited the parole board, and put him through his associates degree while he was in. I lived somewhat of a double life during this time. I was there for him, but continued to have relationships in the "free world" as he called it. Not everyone knew the extent to which I was involved with him. During his time in prison, I drained myself financially, emotionally, and physically. It was devastating to me to watch him go through this, and even though I was killing myself to go through it with him, it was not even a choice to me at the time. I remember when I found out, it brought me to me knees, and I felt the impact of such a tragedy for a love I had taken for granted. He is an amazing person that just went through a rocky time in his life, and was choosing the easy path to make money. He was set-up and was lured into a large deal, and was busted by the GBI. He got out of prison in Sept '08 and hit the ground running. Currently, he is moving into management at his job and is doing phenomenally well for all that he has endured in his life.

I, on the other hand, had a little more to go through to get to where I needed to be and to get right with God. I met Evelyn's father shortly after Chase's release from prison. I was desperate for someone to do for me, after I had done for someone else for so long. I was 25, working a part-time job, and longing for a solid, adult relationship, and basically someone to rescue me. Mike(we'll call him), had a lot to offer emotionally and financially, so we started dating, and then moved in together pretty quickly. Neither one of us should have been pursuing a relationship at that time, but we did, and we felt that we needed eachother. I knew that it wasn't the right thing for me, but we got along well, laughed a lot, and filled a void for eachother for the year that we were together.

As I was faced with enduring pregnancy alone, and as I had to wait the long 9 months to see my baby for the first time, God worked on me. I was forced to focus on myself, the unhealthy patterns that existed in my life up until this point, and the mistakes I had made. I had been selfish in my relationships...I had been impatient with God and in my life... and I had been impulsive and careless. Years ago I knew that God wanted me to focus on myself, and not on a relationship. I had written it in a journal, and when I read what I had wrote during my pregnancy, I thought, ok God, you have my attention now. I had written something like, I know that God wants me to focus on myself, but why is it so much easier to focus on the next guy. It was an addiction. I was addicted to being in a relationship. I was filling the void, that we all have, with a man.

I believe that we all have a void that we are trying to fill. It is a void that can only truly be filled by the love of Christ. Some people fill it with alcohol, some people fill it with a hobby, but at the end of the day, if we don't have the love of Christ, there is still a void. We struggle to keep it filled day in and day out with our choice "distraction." These distractions take up all of our time and keep us from fulfilling God's purpose in our lives. Once we accept Jesus into our hearts, and we truely follow Him, He fills this void with His love, as we pray, read the Bible, and worship to draw closer to Him. His love releases us to fulfill His purpose for our life. As we put all of our trust in Him, He gives us peace, hope, and direction, and guides us on the path He has planned for us. He gives us strength and comfort through the struggles we face in life, because we have faith that He will see us through it.

As God worked on me throughout my pregnancy with Evelyn, I was cured of my addiction to always needing to be in a relationship. I became more patient, more cautious, and less-impulsive. I took a stance to wait on God. I had never considered that God would lead me to decisions...Christy made her own decisions...and I only listened to myself. I made decisions implusively, and would not listen to advise if it went against what I wanted to do. Some of you may be laughing and shaking your head yes right now.

Lance Young, a pastor at 12Stone, gave a sermon about waiting on God. He told his story of finding his wife. He had waited 15 years to find her and had remained celibate during that time. He knew he wanted to be a husband and father, but continued to be very careful in his relationships, waiting for God to give him an answer. He was close to marriage with three different women throughout the years, but asked God to shut the door if it wasn't His will, and God did. He was so thankful that he waited, because he feels so blessed with the woman that God put in his life, his wife today. His testimony really spoke to me, because what patience! And how faithful he was to God! and God was faithful to him. I took a stance after listening to this sermon that I would wait as long as it took...5 years, 10 years, however long, to be with the man that God had planned for me. I decided to wait on God's prompts and exercise patience in all areas of my life. This was very different for me, because before, I wouldn't have gone longer than maybe a couple months, if any time at all between relationships and made many decisions in my life on a whim. And ultimately, that pattern left me hurt, confused, pregnant, and alone.

I have surrendered to God's will, not my own. I don't worry anymore about things that I used to, because I have given my life to Jesus, and trust that God will provide for me. I ask Him, "rid me of myself, because I belong to you" the song goes. I strive to live more like Jesus, and pray every day that He will help me to not live of this world. He gives me strength, peace, comfort, and love. I feel abundant joy, when it appears that there is no reason, just by being in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I do not worry like I used to because I know that I have no control, and that anything I experience on earth is so temporary and that all of heaven and Evelyn are waiting for spend eternity with the Father.

I never felt God's presence more than while I was in labor with Evelyn. I remained silent, with my eyes closed, and fell into His presence. The hour that I was pushing felt like it had only been 10 minutes. I will never forget the heartbreak...and the joy that I experienced during pregnancy, and will never forget the love I had for Evelyn while I carried her and as I held her for such a short time. I am truly blessed to have experienced what I did to bring me closer to God, and I will never leave Him path is set.  


I began blogging after my loss at  and at when I journeyed to India to care for orphans in Nov. 2013. 

Treasured Jewel Ministries, an orphan outreach in Hyderabad, India, was formed in October 2015. You can read more about TJM at   \

Jewels from Heaven, Inc. 501(c)3 was established in November 2015 to support TJM and other ministries worldwide.

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